are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
