i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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