Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
