I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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