whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
