I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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