I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
