I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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