In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
