You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
