i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
