im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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