o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
