I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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