I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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