Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
