I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
