No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
