someone owes me an orgasm
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
