How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
