Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
God I need to hump something, right now.
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