Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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