Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Randomize
