Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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