I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
