I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
