Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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