Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
