I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
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I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
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Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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