it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
