i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
