she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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