did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
