I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
