just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
