I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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