i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I cut my penus on the lid.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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