eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
