Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
