i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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