i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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