im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
