Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
