I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
