Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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