3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You did what with his pubic hair?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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