Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
