Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
