You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
