I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I need a beard to bite.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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