Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
