It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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