I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
