yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
