it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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