idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
