watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
