I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
